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| I am now a blogger...no more of this xanga stuff. check out my blog at:
http://gracebsma.blogspot.com/
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| It doesn't feel like Easter weekend...maybe that's because I'm in Grand Rapids and know that my family will be spending the day together in Madison without me. Or maybe it's because I'm in Grand Rapids but many close friends are missing from this place and it still feels weird and kind-of empty without them. Or it could be that the current weather makes me feel like I'm getting ready to celebrate Christmas more than Easter.
I have many Easter memories - singing "Low in the gravy lay, Jesus my Savior" and wondering why someone would write a song about Jesus lying in gravy, liking bright pink marshmallow peeps (eww...can I say "stomachache!"), getting hives because I ate too many sweet and sour gummy rabbits, dyeing Easter eggs, the excitement of knowing that tomorrow I would get to finally wear the new Easter dress Mom had made for me to church (and having itchy legs because of the netting that went under the dresses to make them poofy), etc... The night before Easter, however, reminds me of a significant memory that I will probably always think of on this night - it's from an Easter a few years back, when I was a freshman at Calvin. My Grandparents and I went to the tiny little town of DeMotte, Indiana where my Great Aunt Babe lives for Easter. My Great Aunt Jo also lived in DeMotte, but died a few weeks after our Easter weekend visit that year. At the time of our visit, she had just been moved to a nursing home, and we went to see her the day before Easter. That night around midnight we got a phone call at Aunt Babe's house that Aunt Jo was being taken by ambulance to the hospital. Aunt Babe and I jumped in the car and the speed at which Aunt Babe drove over the deserted country roads made the ride to the hospital a somewhat scary one. She had driven so fast that we actually got to the hospital before the ambulance. Aunt Babe and I spent the night sitting with Aunt Jo in the emergency room. Aunt Jo was in a significant amount of pain and was very uncomfortable. By the time Easter morning arrived, we were still in the Emergency room and the three of us were completely exhausted. It really did not feel like Easter...until...Aunt Babe said, "Jo, it's Easter" and Aunt Jo tearfully asked, "what does it matter?" And for the first time, I had a real life realization of how it matters.
It matters because when we are dying, we can be free of fear and can rejoice in the very real hope of our salvation! It means that we can have hope in all challenging and difficult circumstances because we know that this is not the way things end. It means that we should remind each other of these things when it is so hard to remember them ourselves. And it means that Jesus' sacrifice was the most beautiful of all because it has given us life. It matters so much that I cannot help but respond with adoration and a life of praise.
"Therefore, kind Jesus, since I cannot pay thee,
I do adore thee, and will ever pray thee,
think on thy pity and thy love unswerving,
not my deserving."
Christ is risen!
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i'm so, so, so tired of cleaning up after other people, washing the same pots and pans everyday, and being completely at the disposal of 6 demanding people while i am working. i am struggling to resist the urge to throw their dirty dishes on their crumb-covered floor, yell at them to clean up their own crap, say the words, "I QUIT!", and run out of the house, never to return.
tonight i was super lazy and watched 5 episodes of grey's anatomy, season 2. but that is okay, because tomorrow i will finish my last two lessons of statistics and then i will never again have to hear the obnoxious voice of the lady who teaches the online lessons.
i planted some herb seeds the other day and am eagerly hoping that at least some of them will grow. i have placed their little greenhouse on a heating pad with the hopes that this freezing weather will not keep them from doing what they're supposed to do. and...the other day i ordered seeds to grow a tea plant and i am excited to start growing my own tea. the only problem is that once i actually get the plant to grow, i will have to wait until it is three years old before i can harvest tea from it. but...fear not...in three years you may just get some homemade tea from me. wouldn't that be fun?
my eyes are struggling to stay open, which tells me that it is time to turn out the light and close them for several hours. goodnight friends.
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| muddy patches of grass peaking through front yards that have been covered with snow for what seems like far too long.
neighbors drinking beer on the front porch when i got home from work.
birds chirping.
apartment windows opened and FRESH air wafting in on a gentle breeze.
my first glass of iced tea in 2007.
car windows rolled down.
PEOPLE outside...gathered on curbs talking, pushing strollers, eating ice cream, grilling...being OUT.
dogs reveling in the joy of an early spring walk (and, sadly, some stretching their legs for probably the first time since winter began).
shorts pulled out of the storage box in the closet, glimpses of clothes that haven't been worn in months but have been stored in the hope that warm weather will someday return.
flip-flop clad feet, liberated from the confines of shoes and socks.
Spring is faithfully coming. We long for it...and when it quietly comes upon us, we realize that we had no control in it's coming. Although we expect it to come (and rarely consider what will happen if it doesn't)...we find joy in the unexpected and uncontrollable surprise of a warm flip-flopping day. Flip flop away. :)
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| i didn't realize how badly i needed spring to come until it showed up this weekend.
i didn't realize how badly i needed to find a church until i just found one and have had to hold back my tears when i've walked in the door the last two sundays because it just feels so good.
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